As you know, I am always on the lookout to identify new technology applications that will improve our lives. And today we have a major! It’s called ShameBeGone. Interested already, aren’t you?
I couldn’t believe it when I read about it. ShameBeGone is a service that handles unpleasant situations for you. By the best method yet invented to arbitrate human differences—e-mail!
Let’s say you have a problem. You forgot your mother’s birthday, kind of hard to do these days with Facebook and all. Or maybe you want to break up with your current partner and unfriending them didn’t send a strong enough message. Or maybe you got roaring drunk at your nephew’s first birthday party and broke his new iPad and you feel bad.
All you have to do it tell the nice people at ShameBeGone all about it and they will fire off an e-mail to the parties involved and voila! Problem solved.
As the web site says:
Worry no more!
How it works:
• You tell us about a situation that you just can’t deal with.
• You tell us what you’d be willing to pay to have it fixed.
• If we accept, we draft an email for you to send to fix up that mess.
You cut, paste and send—and then the shame is gone. It’s just that easy.
That’s the way it is in the techno world. An e-mail is all it takes to fix everything. And in order to make sure they get the e-mail just right, you can tell them how you want the whole thing to end. To do that, you just check off the desired outcome.
A kindly brush-off
Once you’ve described your problem and indicated the desired outcome, you then have to tell them what it’s worth to you to get the problem fixed. There is actually a line on the web page that says “Tell us what you are willing to pay ______”
I am intrigued that the customer gets to determine the price. That is a unique business model but I can’t help but wonder whether the ShameBeGone people have some sort of internal algorithm that pegs the amount of shame reduction they provide to the price you are willing to pay.
I don’t know about you, but I’d be afraid to go cheap because you could well make matters worse! And, by the way, if you make matters worse, you’re on your own. The web site has a fairly all-encompassing hold harmless clause that says they aren’t providing legal, or any other kind of advice and they are not responsible for what happens. So be warned. If you pay a mega bucks to send an e-mail to your favourite reality TV star and your desired outcome is sex, you have no recourse if nothing happens.
ShameBeGone Operators Are Standing By!
Although this is clearly a major leap forward in our effort to cocoon ourselves in technology and avoid actual real world interaction with other humans, it is clear that we still have a long way to go. This technology needs to be available in an iPhone app and instead of e-mails, texts and tweets should be permitted.
I envision different modules designed for different segments of the population. For example, I think the parenting module would get a lot of use. Instead of dealing with the kids in real time, parents could have ShameBeGone handle this unnecessary distraction from Facebook and Masterchef. No longer will parents have to feel guilty by saying no. Outsource it to ShameBeGone. Desired outcomes could range from “Eat your vegetables” to “You’re grounded,” to “Find a new home.”
It would also be a blessing to children to be able to communicate this way with their parents. After all, it’s rather stressful to have to face your parents and tell them that you are pregnant and/or quitting school or have been kicked out of school or arrested. Desired outcomes could range from “You’re forgiven,” to “It’s OK. Here’s a new iPhone.”
A Good Time for ShameBeGone
And that’s just the home version. The workplace would be so much simpler if
ShameBeGone could handle all of our dealings with superiors, subordinates,
clients, customers and suppliers.
The more I think about it, the more I think that this application will solve virtually all of the world’s problems. Instead of sending armies to invade each
other, countries could use ShameBeGone to send e-mails to each other expressing disapproval. Instead of blowing things up terrorists could tell everyone what’s really bothering them and ShameBeGone would spin out an e-mail designed to generate the desired outcome.
There just doesn’t seem to be any limit to what technology can accomplish!