Something to Tweet About?

A few months ago, the New York Times debated the question “Is Classical Music Dying.”  According to all measures, e.g., number of new classical recordings, orchestra attendance, number of classical radio stations, the answer is yes.

Some people think that the only thing classical music is good for is to prevent crowds of teenagers from gathering.  Apparently, shops and malls who don’t want kids hanging around just pipe in some Mozart and they run away like vampires from garlic.

There has been a lot of discussion about how to get the “youth” interested in classical music.  I think that will happen right about the time they all read War and Peace and proclaim it to be awesome.

In my opinion, this isn’t a youth problem, but rather a cultural problem.  The current orchestra model is for people to come home at night, then dress up and go out and sit still for a couple of hours listening to music that they may or may not know much about.  Plus there are a lot of snobby old white people in the audience.

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That model worked before the days of Facebook and American Idol but today it’s no contest, and if orchestras want to remain viable they do need to do something about their demographics.

One orchestra, the Mobile (Alabama) Symphony, came up with an idea that, I hate to tell you, probably isn’t going to do the job.

On the theory that people today have issues if they are not connected 24/7, they have designated the last row of the auditorium as the “Tweet Seats,” from where concert goers are allowed to use silent mobile devices.  So they can tweet, and text and surf and, probably, play Angry Birds.  They are, however, admonished not to crinkle candy or cough drop wrappers.

Those Neanderthals among you who still have the benighted view that one goes to a concert to listen and concentrate and engage in the music will probably have trouble with this concept.  I know I do.

So I did some research to try to understand what’s going on and the results are not comforting.  Four reasons are put forth as to why this is a Good Thing

1.  It is nice to have access to your mobile device if you are bored.

2.  My Facebook and Twitter followers want to know what I’m doing and expect me to update them regularly.

3.  What I have to say/think is important and I need to capture it.

4.  It is arrogant to think that you shouldn’t let people enjoy something in their own way.

My favorites are 1 and 4.

I read an article by a youthful reporter who experienced a Mobile Symphony concert from the Tweet Seats.  He claims that his experience was improved by being able to access his phone.  The article included some of the breathless tweets he sent out during the concert, so you can see how his experience was enhanced:

            Conductor Scott Speck . . . looks like Lord Voldemort. Wonder what his         patronus is?

            Struggling to find a metaphor to describe the difference between a live orchestra and a recording

I love his metaphysical response to his previous question:

            Listening to a recording of classical music is like seeing your shadow on a cave wall.    It’s you but it lacks vitality.

At least he didn’t say: “it’s nt ovr ’til d f@ ldy sngs.”

The whole idea behind Tweet Seats, etc. is the idea of audience engagement.  Apparently ‘engagement’ is a really hot topic these days.  Teachers must engage with students.  Businesses must engage with customers.  Writers must engage with readers.  And vice versa.

But does sending out random, impulsive reactions really represent “engagement?”  And in a live performance, isn’t it insulting to the performers that you aren’t at least looking like you are paying attention?  The guy who wrote the article about his experience in the Tweet Seats claimed that “The exercise helped transform me into more of an active listener, a true observer instead of merely an audience member.”  To which I would say, isn’t a mere audience member supposed to be an “active listener” and a “true observer?”

But the real issue is summed up by what he writes about the violin soloist:  “Given the power of her performance I regret somewhat that I spent a few precious seconds of it sending 140-character missives into the swirling void of the Twittersphere.”

I guess there are limits to multitasking.

A final point of confusion about the way Tweet Seats work.  The guy who wrote the article was at the concert by himself.  I’m not sure that the typical person who would go to a concert alone would be inclined to tweet much about it.  Which then raises the specter of couples or groups sitting in the tweet seats together.  And tweeting their “real” friends about it.

And what does that say about your “engagement” with the people around you?

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How Have We Survived Without This Stuff?

As you know I am always on the lookout for interesting applications of technology to improve my quality of life, so my pulse quickened the other day when I saw the headline “Ten Essential Travel Gadgets.”

Unfortunately, for the most part, the article proved to be a big disappointment.  Mostly it was newer, imperceptibly different iThings: a solar powered device charger and stuff like that.

But there was one thing that caught my eye.  It embodied the concepts of “must have” and “essential.”

It’s a jacket called the “Fleece 7.0.”  (You know it’s high-tech because it has a version number).  In fact, the advertising material says that the jacket, five years in the making, is so innovative that they skipped version 6.0 and went right to 7!  Do they really think people believe that kind of hype?

Anyway, this jacket has 23 pockets of varying size to accommodate all your technology toys and the largest, unsurprisingly, can accommodate an iPad.  They have patented the pocket design as the “PadPocket™.”

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But wait, there’s more.

There is also something called the “Quick Draw Pocket,” patent pending.  It allows you to “access your Smartphone through the Clear Touch fabric (i.e., plastic) so you don’t even need to take your hand out of your pocket to use your phone.”  They believe “this will fundamentally change the way you interact with your mobile devices.”

Times were that a person doing something frenetic with their hand in their pocket in public would be arrested.

But now they are just connected.  To everyone other than the people they are with, that is.

Who would have thought that the day would come when our clothing would be billed as “Compatible with iPad.”

But before you run out and upgrade to a Fleece Version 7, you should be aware that it is already obsolete.

Yes.  Something on the what’s hot list has already been rendered irrelevant by something new and improved.

I give you Google Glass.

In case you’ve been away from Planet Earth and haven’t heard of GG, it is a device which for $1500 will enable you to look like The Collector in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and will give you a totally hands-free, heads up digital life.  Who needs a jacket with pockets for all your technology when you can wear it on your face?

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Basically it’s a pair of glasses with only one lens, which is your heads up display.  It also has a camera and a microphone.  You can take a picture or video of anything you see and send it to your friends.  It’s got a GPS so you can see where you are and where you are going.  And it’s got lots of web surfing capability.  The promotional video shows a person in a in a Chinese market who wants to bargain.  They “ask” GG how to say the price they want to offer in Chinese!

And when I say “ask,” I really mean it.  Because it’s heads up and hands free, you talk to it!  How cool is that?

GG is being heralded as an important step in our journey to what is called “ubiquitous computing” which means constant connectivity and, I fear, in the hands of Google, ubiquitous advertising.

But it’s the camera that makes GG even cooler and scarier. The promotional video shows a guy sky diving and filming the experience and sending his friends a real time video so they can have as much fun as him and be suitably impressed.

GG isn’t yet widely available but it is already generating two big debates.  The first is about privacy issues and the second is about whether Google will partner with a fashion designer to develop cooler designs for the eyewear because some people think you look geeky when you wear it.

Guess which issue is getting the most attention.

But it’s the privacy and copyright issues that are the most interesting.  Think about it.  Kids will want to wear them in class because they won’t have to take notes.  But teachers might not that idea because school administrators could then observe them.  So could the government.

People will want to wear them to concerts so they can record the whole thing.  And movies too.

And what about when your boss gives you your annual performance review?  Will one or both of you be wearing Google Glasses to record the moment for posterity?

But even beyond privacy, what about common sense.  If texting while driving is an issue, what will happen when people start GGing while driving?

I can’t think of a single use of GG that might not violate peoples’ privacy, result in a law suit or become evidence in a potential lawsuit (e.g., because you are updating your FB status, you forget to pull the ripcord on your parachute).

But that’s not going to stop GG from becoming a necessity of life if that fashion designer can make them look cool enough.

This Is Kind of Creepy

The other day on the radio, they were interviewing a psychologist who was talking about something called “porn creep.”  I’ll spare you the details but essentially it refers to a condition in which people who spend an inordinate amount of time looking at pornographic material lose the ability to experience the real thing.

They actually interviewed twenty-somethings who basically said they were unable to have a normal sex life because they’d spent so much time interfacing, if you will, with their computer.

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I took the risk of Googling the term to see if it was mainstream and, yes, it is.  Not only do you lose the ability to function in the real world, in extreme cases, you need increasingly graphic stuff to, shall we say, pique your interest.  The condition has been studied and there is even a cure for it, in case you are interested.

After that segment of the show was over, they had the news and then had extended commentary on a number of the news stories du jour.

As usually happens these days when I listen to the news or any analysis thereof, I shake my head and wonder what the hell is going on.  It was the same old thing.  Sanity and civility seem to have taken a permanent vacation; and people seem completely unable to listen, communicate and engage in civil discourse without recourse to name calling, or worse, lawyers.

I switched to the oldies music station.

But that night I figured out what the problem is.

We were out at an event where people didn’t know each other all that well.  As a result, no one talked about anything controversial.  The conversation stayed at the level of kids, pets and television.  I’m not too well equipped to talk about any of those, but what interested me was the discussion of TV.

All they talked about were reality TV shows.  Mostly cooking shows, but they also now have reality shows about house buying, house renovating, losing weight, cosmetic surgery, raising kids, driving trucks in bad weather and pre-pubescent beauty pageants.  There is even a show where people bid on the junk in unclaimed storage lockers and hope it’s worth more than they paid for it.

The common denominator in all of these shows is a general lack of civility.  Apparently what makes the shows so popular is that the contestants are constantly bad mouthing each other and generally being nasty.  Cooperation and teamwork are generally considered signs of weakness.  Winning is less about excelling and more about torpedoing the competition at all costs.

At some point that evening, all of those pieces sort of clicked together and I developed my new theory of why contemporary society is so uncivil—reality creep!

Just as the person who is over exposed to porn finds themself unable to function in the real world and requires ever greater stimuli, I’m thinking that people over exposed to “reality” via reality TV develop the same problem.

As reality TV becomes increasingly popular, the hyper individualistic, winning at all cost behaviour of the people appearing in reality TV shows becomes the norm. So every discourse or discussion has to have a winner.  Compromising is for losers.

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There’s supposed to be a cure for porn creep.  Let’s hope they can find one for reality creep!

Images from Freedigitalphotos.com

“Asserting a Right You Know You Cannot Exert:” Here We Go Again

One of the things that precipitated the American Revolution was the Stamp Act.  It was one of the taxes at the center of the controversy about the “right” of the English Parliament to tax the US colonies directly.  Lord Chesterfield, in opposing the Stamp Act, pointed out that even if Parliament could enact the tax, it couldn’t enforce it and it wasn’t worth making the colonists mad over it, and warned Parliament that they were “asserting a right you know you cannot exert.”

By the way, Lord Chesterfield is given credit for many quotes that are still popular today such as “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today,” and “Whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well.”  But my favorite quote by him is:  “A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but cannot receive great ones.”

chesterfield

Anyway, back to the Stamp Act, I like Lord Chesterfield’s observation because it seems to me that a lot of people today are spending a lot of time and energy asserting rights that, even if they existed in law or nature, they cannot–or should not–exert.  And that is causing a lot of our problems.

For example, did you hear about the woman on the Jet Blue flight from New York to San Diego?  She was seated in a special seating area that provides more space than the usual airplane seat, and Jet Blue charges passengers $65 for that extra comfort.  The seat next to her was empty.  At least until some schlub in the back who hadn’t paid $65 informed the flight attendant that his TV monitor wasn’t working.  The flight attendant very kindly moved the guy to the empty seat next to the woman.

And that’s when it hit the fan.  The woman freaked because the guy hadn’t paid $65 like she had but was getting the benefits of the extra leg room.  No fair, she whined.

And whined and whined to the point that an on board air marshal intervened and the flight was diverted to Denver and the rest of the passengers were delayed for a couple of hours until they could boot the woman off the plane and continue on their way again.

The most interesting part of the story is that no charges were pressed.  She got away with it.  She asserted a right that no rational person would ever think they could exert, inconvenienced a lot of people and walked away as if nothing had happened.  Beautiful!  And in the meantime deprived everyone else on the flight of their right to have their non-stop flight actually not have any stops.

And probably inconvenienced herself, too.  And maybe that’s lesson one when it comes to asserting rights:  is exerting them practical, logical and, here’s a novel idea, beneficial not only to you but also the community around you.

What right was she asserting, you ask?  Why merely the right to have the world work the way she perceived it and wanted it to be at that particular moment.

That’s a pretty powerful right and if you think about it, a lot of the problems in the news relate to people trying to assert it.   Just look at the headlines any day of the week.

A lot of people seem to have their own personal view of the Constitution and for some of them, the Bill of Rights included the Right to Have the World Conform to Your Wishes.

The beauty of this right is that in your personal Constitution, there can be an infinite number of sub-clauses.  A few of my own inalienable rights come to mind.  For example,  the right not to have pregnant women talk about bladder dynamics in front of me or the right not to have to ever hear Gangnam Style again.

Etc.

Mine are fairly modest assertions when you consider that some people out there are asserting rights such as the right to maintain a personal arsenal, or the right not to have to deal with or help people who don’t look, think or act like them, or the right to have the way they think adopted by everyone else in the world.

But I think that the woman on the Jet Blue plane might teach us all a lesson about asserting our Right to Have the World Conform to Your Wishes.  Instead of asserting our theoretical rights to have the world work the way we want it, why don’t we just assert and exert the right to ignore things like that, not be bothered, just get on with life and learn to get along with each other.  All the woman on the plane had to do was ignore the situation.  It would have saved her and everyone on the plane a lot of angst and made for a harmonious environment.

And a right to a harmonious environment seems like something we should all be asserting and exerting.

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Freedigitalphotos.net

A Pre-Christmas Vacation

It’s been a while since we took a driving trip in NZ, so we decided to beat the end of the world and the Christmas rush and spend a few days in the Coromandel Peninsula, a beautiful part of New Zealand with golden sandy beaches and about 2 hours east of Auckland.

That’s the good news and bad news about the Coromandel—it’s only 2 hours from Auckland.  The good news is that it’s easy to get to.  The bad news is that it’s easy to get to and starting tomorrow, because of holiday traffic, the two hour drive will take more like four. 

The last time we were out that way was in 1991, which was my very first trip to NZ and also when Mahrukh and I got engaged.  We decided to stay at the same place we stayed on that first trip and much to our amazement, it was still there.  More about that later.

Here is our route:

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Normally you would leave for a trip whenever you are ready, or in time to check into the hotel or something.  But for this trip we had to time our departure to coincide with the tide.  That’s because our first stop was the Miranda Shore Birds Centre and you want to be there as close to high tide as possible because that means that the birds will be closer and easier to see.

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It might not look like much but the centre attracts bird experts and enthusiasts from around the world.  You walk about half an hour along the shore and they have little huts with tiny windows so you can watch the birds without disturbing them.   Fortunately they had a chart on the wall so we could tell what we were seeing!

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We had slightly miscalculated our arrival time and the tide was starting to go out, along with the birds, but we still got to see a lot.

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This being December, New Zealand’s favourite tree, the powhutakawa, is in bloom.  In fact, people call it the New Zealand Christmas tree because all the trees turn red around Christmas.  We saw them everywhere:

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And this is how they look close up:

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We continued on to Whitianga, which is on the northeast coast of the Coromandel and where we planned to stay for the next three days.  By the way, in Maori, “Wh” is pronounced like an “F.”  So Whitianga is pronounced Fit ee ang ah.

When we went there in 1991 most of the roads weren’t paved, or sealed, as they call them down here.  Because of the growth in tourism, most of the main roads are now paved, but north of Whitianga, where we spent a lot of time, most of the roads are dirt or gravel.  And they are at most two lanes!

The best things about the drive were (1) there was almost no traffic, besides us:

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(2) most of the road goes through native New Zealand temperate rain forest, which is the look we are going for at CUE Haven:

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and (3) when you are not in the woods, you are driving along the shore and can take your pick of a beach to explore.

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We got to Whitianga and needless to say, the town had changed quite a bit since we’d seen it last.  The Marlin, where we were staying, had changed its name from the Marlin Motel to the Marlin Apartments.  The owners had done a major upgrade but it still was recognizable and we got the same room with the same fantastic location and view.

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The new owner, Alistair, welcomed us in typical Kiwi fashion.  Historically, these motels are family run places and the owners live on site.  They are called “fully serviced,” which means that you don’t have to bring anything except food.  There is a complete kitchen with pots, pans and dishes.  And there will always be a complimentary carton of fresh milk in the refrigerator and some packets of tea in the pantry.

From that perspective, nothing’s changed and we quickly made ourselves comfortable.  And a cup of tea!

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We took a walk along the beach to explore and found that part of it had been turned into a bird nursery!

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There was a family of Oystercatchers nesting and either the father or mother wasn’t very happy with our presence.

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When we got back I helped Alistair with some maintenance work.

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And we watched the fast paced action going by.

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The next morning we did some exploring north of Whitianga and there we saw some of the best and worst of the Coromandel.  During the 1800s and up until the 1930s, the peninsula was essentially deforested because it was home to the kauri, New Zealand’s largest native tree.  They can live for up to 4000 years and grow to unbelievable size which made them perfect for ship masts.  Once the kauri were cut down, the land was either used for grazing or replanted with pine as a timber crop and every 30 years or so the pines are cut down for milling.  So you do come across some less than breathtaking scenery.

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The local and central governments have been encouraging the planting of native trees and there are now large areas of regenerating native forest.

As I mentioned, the drive alternated between forests and beaches.  The beaches were all very inviting and if we saw a place that looked good but there was someone there, we could just drive a few minutes down the road and find a place to ourselves.

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An engaging fact of New Zealand life for years has been the holiday bach, pronounced “batch.”  A vacation home down here historically has not been something reserved for the wealthy, and one of the fascinating things about rural coastal New Zealand is the wonderful array of holiday accommodation you see.

The boom years a few years ago resulted in some over achievers pulling down their old cottages and putting up personal statements and it is interesting to see big modern homes interspersed among more traditional accomodations:

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You might wonder why these people have such a big gate and no driveway.

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It’s because a bach requires a boat and a boat requires a tractor to get it into the water!

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And there isn’t enough room for pictures of all the whimsical batches out there:

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The next morning we took a walk around Whitianga Town and met a number of interesting locals.  One of the things that made me love New Zealand on my first visit down here was the friendly natives and that definitely hasn’t changed.

We chatted with a shopkeeper who told us that the normal population of Whitianga is 4,000 but in summer (i.e., right after Christmas) it swells to 40,000.  We beat the crowds, but only just.

Here is the bête noir of any New Zealander—rented camper vans operated by tourists who come from countries where they drive on the other side of the road.  I’m not sure what’s worse.  Following one going at half the speed limit because they are lost or confused or both, or having to evade one coming toward you on the wrong side of the road.

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As we walked along we met a woman who had moved to Whitianga after her retirement.  She used to be a dairy farmer and we asked if she missed the farm.  In response, she gestured at the open sea and said, “This is a lot better than getting up at five in the morning and getting shit on and kicked.”

I realized that philosophy might extend to a lot of visitors to Whitianga, and not necessarily only former dairy farmers.

We spent the rest of the day exploring some of the more popular beaches around Whitianga.

There is Cook’s Beach, allegedly visited by Captain Cook:

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And this is Hahei Beach:

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But the most unusual is Hot Water Beach.  NZ is what is euphemistically called “geologically active” and there are earthquakes and volcanoes in both the North and South Islands.  That also means geothermal activity and at the Hot Water Beach, an underground spring carries hot water just under the surface of the sand.  You just dig a hole in the sand and if you are in the right place, you have an instant hot tub.  And believe me, it’s really hot.

This was the only beach where we actually encountered other people.

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I’ll spare you a picture of me wallowing, but here I am digging our pit:

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The whole process can be a little bit mercenary because as the hot water bubbles up it flows down the slope to the ocean.  Enterprising engineer types construct sand dams to channel the hot water into their pools.  We didn’t see any major contretemps but there were a few border disputes and discussions about water rights.

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Sometimes a hole is dug too far from the spring and you get nothing but cold water.  But that also can be put to good use!

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Hot Water Beach was fun, if you don’t mind a lot of sand in your togs.  But we preferred to find our own quiet places where we could enjoy the beauty undisturbed.

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On Thursday we headed home but not before stopping in Coromandel Town to visit the Driving Creek Railway.  It is an amazing place.  Like many parts of the area it had been deforested up until the 1930s and then turned into farmland.  Thirty years ago, a sculptor bought the land with the intention of revegetating it and developing it as an artistic centre.  But he wasn’t an ordinary sculptor.  He is also an engineer and a railroad buff.  In order to have easier access to clay to do his sculptures, he built a narrow gauge railway up the steep slopes of the property.

Over time he has expanded the railway and it now carries visitors on a tour of the property which shows off the revegetating bush and his whimsical sense of humor.  At the top of the property you get fantastic 360 degree views of the area and he has built an observation pavilion known as the Eye-Ful Tower.

A friend of ours had introduced us to the manager of the property who is overseeing the revegetation efforts.  He gave us a behind the scenes tour and because our farm project is similar (but without the sculptures and the railroad) we had a lot to talk about.  We also took a ride on the train.

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Before we got to Coromandel Town, however, we took an unpaved road, known only as “The 309 Road.”  It is unpaved and very hilly and winding and you see some spectacular sights.

Fortunately, we were about the only car around because we could take the time to explore.

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We saw a sign for the Waiau Kauri Grove – a park dedicated to some of the few remaining kauri trees in the area and it is well worth the visit.  It is in the middle of nowhere but beautifully maintained.

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The path leads you to a grove of kauri trees that are estimated to be about 600 years old.

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How big are they?

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And we wrapped up the trip with a beautiful drive back to Auckland:

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And as we got closer to home, we passed a solid line of cars heading out of town!  It was a fun and relaxing trip.  Not only was it a nice break from the work we are doing on the farm, but it also gave us some additional motivation to continue our efforts when we see the positive effects of forest revegetation.

Have a great holiday season!

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Kirkus Review of Identities

I recently received the Kirkus Review of Identities and I’m happy to share it with you.  It also includes a nice synopsis of the book to give you an idea of what it’s about if you haven’t read it.

There have also been a couple of reviews posted on the Amazon and Book Depository web sites but I’ve gotten a lot of reviews privately via e-mail.  Many people seem to be too shy to put their thoughts out on the web, but if you’ve read the book, do please write a review on the web where you obtain the book.

Here is the Kirkus review:

TITLE INFORMATION

IDENTITIES

Stazyk, T.E.

CreateSpace (366 pp.)

$15.99 paperback, $4.99 e-book

ISBN: 978-1468146851; October 17, 2012

BOOK REVIEW

A management consultant jousts with the loonier aspects of American capitalism in Stazyk’s canny debut satire of the corporate world.

After Dave Locke is booted from the presidency of a technology corporation following a merger, he’s relieved to land a partnership at tony Quantum Consulting. Unfortunately, this avowed bastion of best business practices turns out to be filled with nincompoops. The partners are obsessed with status and extreme-sports exploits; the management committee signs off on Dave’s plans if he sprinkles them with the buzz phrase “world-class”; and clients are given the hard sell on outsourcing and layoffs, no matter what the long-term costs. (Alas, their clients are only too happy to pillage their own firms; one CEO wants to relocate his conglomerate to Panama for tax purposes.)

As a deep recession takes hold, Dave picks his way through a minefield of office politics and callous management theories. Meanwhile, his sons—Alex, a would-be actor who doesn’t want to be defined by his career, and Jim, a workaholic investment banker—debate the spiritual pitfalls of capitalism.

Stazyk’s cutting, funny tale furnishes plenty of Dilbert-esque office gags and colourful characters, including an Indian swami who turns his spiritual aura into a publicly traded corporation. The novel’s greatest creation may be Jim’s girlfriend, Jennifer, a frenzied Wall Streeter whose fussbudget consumerism reflects her hollow soul. Stazyk has written a novel that treats business as an important and absorbing subject; the author knows the terrain well and his naturalistic prose and dialogue has a nuanced subtlety that rings true.

When Dave deploys his infighting skills against boardroom boobs and tyrants, his conviction that business can be both profitable and ethical starts to seem like a believable bottom line.

An entertaining, covertly insightful satire.

I hope you get a chance to read Identities.  Buy a copy for all your friends and your Christmas shopping is finished!  Let me know what you think.

Happy Holidays!

Santa Hat

How to Spruce Up Your Christmas Letter

It’s that time of year.  Christmas letter time. We don’t send a Christmas letter, largely because of the paucity of content such a letter would have. But we love getting letters from friends and acquaintances to find out what’s new with them.

Most of the letters we get pretty much stick to basic facts but every year there are one or two that really go over the top and make you think that you lead a very boring and pedestrian life.  I was speculating on how those letters might look this year and what the writers might do to try to impress.

Of course they could manufacture some interesting material about being abducted by aliens or meeting celebrities, but the secret to a good Christmas letter is not making stuff up but rather making run of the mill stuff sound interesting.  And what better way to give the mundane a whiff of the esoteric by sprinkling in a few foreign phrases!

So in case any of your friends decide to go all foreign in their Christmas letters, here is a short glossary of frequently used terms along with possible uses.

Force majeure—French for superior force.  You may have seen this phrase in your insurance policies.  It means something beyond your control and not the result of negligence (i.e., a war or an act of God).  Your friend may inform you:  ”I so wanted to go to the Riviera for vacation this year, but Chloe’s insistence on going to Disneyland proved to be a force majeure.”

Amour-propre—It’s complicated, but this French phrase essentially means self-love.  “The fact that no one has unfriended her on Facebook has definitely bolstered Chloe’s amour-propre.”

Sui generis—In Latin this means “of its own kind,” and is used to mean unique.  “Skip was promoted to executive vice president this year and I helped decorate his new office.  I mean it just had to be sui generis.”

Faute de mieux—In French this means “lack of better,” and you use it instead of “for lack of anything better.”  How about “Skip got his bonus and faute de mieux we bought his and her Porsches.”

two porsches

Comme il faut—French for “as is required by standards.” You shouldn’t be surprised when they tell you “We flew Chloe and her best friend to Europe this summer and comme il faut, they went first class.”

Bete noire—French for “black beast.”  It means something dreadful, repulsive or disgusting.  “The neighbors insist on parking their Hyundai in the driveway.  It’s become my bête noire.”

Sine qua non—Literally “without which not,” this has come to mean an essential element.  “Chloe has advised us that breast augmentation surgery is a sine qua non for her to be ready for high school.”

Mutatis mutandis—Latin for “things being changed that have to be changed,” it is used to mean “with the necessary changes.”  “Our new yacht didn’t have a sauna or a game room, but mutatis mutandis, we should be able to enjoy ourselves on it.”

Peine forte et dure—French for strong, hard punishment, torture.  “In Gstaad, the chalet was overbooked and we didn’t get the Penthouse suite.  The Tower suite was pure peine forte et dure!”

Suite

Nostalgie de la boue–A wonderful French term which literally means “longing for the mud.”  It has come to mean a desire for the lowly or disgusting.  “In a fit of nostalgie de la Boue, we took a drive through the old neighborhood.”

pig

So now you will be prepared when your sui generis friends decide to subject you to the peine forte et dure of the force majeure of their amour-propre.  Be understanding.  As far as they are concerned, the letter is comme il faut and a holiday sine qua non.  But if you’re like me, faute de mieux you could become a bete noire by sending them a similar letter, mutatis mutandis in which you focus on your nostalgie de la boue.  Have fun.  Or should I say, amusez-vous!