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Apocalypse Now?

February 15, 2011

Recently a bunch of us were sitting around talking about the rumours that the world is going to come to a screeching halt in 2012.  Someone made the point that one interpretation of the apocalyptic prognostications is that the actual end will occur in the twelfth year of the new millennium.  Those of us who could never figure out if the 21st century actually started in 2000 or 2001 took some time to do the math and figured out that this year is actually the 12th year of the millennium!

So the world is going to end this year, and I believe it because the evidence just keeps mounting.  You see, I came across an article announcing that Hong Kong was the venue for the first “McWedding.”

Recognizing that appending “Mc” to anything is a popular way to denote a lower budget version of the real thing, I scanned the article expecting that it would talk about various low cost options available to couples in difficult economic times.

But no.  A McWedding is a wedding that actually takes place at McDonalds.  And has a McDonald’s theme.  For NZ$ 1,700!

I’m not sure, but I think that in most of the places where they have McDonalds, the legal age to get married is around 18.  That age is usually (although there is widespread evidence to the contrary) considered to be the age of adulthood.  So the first question is, why are adults getting married at McDonalds, with Ronald McDonald as the best man and the Hamburglar as the ring bearer?

All answers lead to apocalypse.

Shirley Chang is the managing director of McDonalds Hong Kong and she has some scary insights.  As far as the logic of having your wedding at McDonalds, she points out, “They date here, they grew their love here, so when they have this important day they want to come over here.”

Not only that, “they are looking for out of the box thinking and ideas.”

Maybe I’m not with the program, but if Hong Kong McDonalds are anything like the ones I’ve seen in the US and NZ, they are also the places these kids went for their (and their friends’) birthday parties.  So how is having your wedding at McDonalds “out of the box thinking?”  It sounds a little bit uninspired if you ask me.  I could be wrong, but I think we’re really talking about unwillingness to grow up.

And how does one grow ones love at McDonalds.  I don’t know what’s worse–the thought that McDonalds is associated in peoples’ minds with the burgeoning of true love, or that the invitations you get to send to your guests are emblazoned with golden arches.

If you are like me and think that McDonalds has, literally and figuratively, an unhealthy hold on the minds and wallets and diets of the people of the world, you can play out some scary forward looking scenarios. 

McDonalds may be going for a sort of cradle to grave customer loyalty.  They already have a lock on the hearts and minds of children.  Now it looks like they are going after young adults.  Pretty soon I bet we will see the McBirthing Suite, where the midwife will be dressed as Ronald McDonald and the mother will be given a Golden Arches bra so that the baby learns early where food comes from.

I’m sure that the planners at McDonalds have their eyes on population demographic data and are looking for ways to see McNewlyweds through life.  I’m sure that there could be a big business in McRetirement Parties (to help get everyone ready for their McPension).  And of course, no life would be complete without a McFuneral. 

I don’t know about you, but if Ronald McDonald were officiating at my funeral, I would be convinced I’d gone to hell.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Len Skuta permalink
    February 16, 2011 2:39 am

    Perish the thought. Aside from the occasional Big Mac there is no way where I will be found there.

  2. February 16, 2011 3:30 am

    I used to work at McDonald’s when I was 16 and I have entirely different and scary memory of Ronald McDonald. I walked into our breakroom while he was visiting our McDonalds. I didn’t know he was there yet and walked in on him with his clown makeup on and nothing else but white briefs smoking a cigarette. That was back in the day when you could smoke inside a restaurant.

    Ever since I never quite look at him the same…

  3. February 16, 2011 4:53 am

    I’m OK with the idea of a couple getting married at McDonald’s for sentimental reasons, but the idea of McDonald’s decision to offer a $1,700 wedding package is just depressing. It doesn’t make sense, because the end result is the same, but one seems kind of sweet and the other seems really, really sad.

  4. February 16, 2011 6:43 am

    I conclude that after years of eating fast food, the chemistry of the bridal couple’s brains has been adversely affected to the point of dementia…yuck!


  5. February 16, 2011 1:08 pm

    I’m with you, I’m not sure increasing corporate thought equals thinking out of the box

  6. February 17, 2011 11:47 am

    That is the perfect wedding for a relationship that began at White Castle on Valentine’s Day.

    This is real.

  7. February 17, 2011 12:59 pm

    We go with the grandkids to our only local McDonald’s once every week and have a great time. However, a couple of weeks ago the company closed it, tore the whole place down and are in the process of building a bigger, more modern McDonald’s restaurant. It won’t be re-opened for four months. We have hung black crepe on the mirrors in mourning…

  8. February 17, 2011 6:57 pm

    Given that there was no year zero, counting in decimal units of ten, a hundred, or a thousand (beginning with 1 A.D.) leads to the irrefutable conclusion that the 21st century began on 1 January 2001. Otherwise, an entire year must have gone missing in the past 2,000 years.

    As far as setting off the apocalypse, it remains to be seen whether McDonald’s weddings will be able to triumph where these have failed over so many years.

  9. February 19, 2011 10:49 pm

    So glad I read this! It solves all my wedding planning needs. Whoooo!

  10. February 22, 2011 7:35 am

    Oh, Tom, I’ve got some bad news. The end of the world is coming even sooner than you think.

    Repent, sinners!

  11. February 23, 2011 8:27 am

    Mc-Marvelous…..A wedding held at a fast food chain..they must be competing with Vegas. A big-Mac Bride and a Greasy Groom with true lies on the side…..I’m lovin’ it!!

    Spread the humor:

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